This analogy illustrates how an adoptee feels and why the issue of open adoption records is so important. I found this essay on the AIML(Adoptees' Internet Mailing List) Web site.
... a young adopted woman said that being adopted is like walking into the movie theater ten minutes after the film has begun... And she said, this is what being adopted is like: not knowing what happened during the first 5 or 10 minutes of the movie.
To expand on the analogy:
Lucy:
[panting in her seat after finally getting a place, and turning to the person seated on her right] "Whew! Finally made it. What's happened so far?"
Person on The Right:
"They showed the title and then had some scenes with dialogue, and here you are!"
Lucy:
"Well, I figured that, but what happened? What did they say? How did the movie start?"
POTR:
"Why do you care so much about the detail? Just accept that some stuff happened, and get on with the movie!"
Lucy:
"But to really understand the movie, I need to know about the beginning! Look, what about that line of dialogue right there: ``The tar pit! Not after what happened Tuesday!'' What's that all about?"
POTR:
"Why do you insist on living in the past? You're watching the movie right now - just take it from there."
Lucy:
"I'm trying, really, but I just feel that to really watch the movie now, I need some context here. If I know what happened in the beginning, I'll have a more complete picture of the present. I look around to the faces around me, and I see looks of `aha!' and `oh yes!', but I don't understand; I feel like I'm wearing time blinders or something."
POTR:
"That's ridiculous - you're just being melodramatic. You need to really address the scenes you're watching at the moment - you seem like a very unhappy person at heart. Never satisfied - always complaining."
Lucy:
[Gives up, and turns to usher] "Psst! Excuse me!"
Usher:
"Yes? Ah, I recognize you, you arrived at 8:13, didn't you?"
Lucy:
"That's right. I got here on time, but you couldn't find a seat for me until almost a quarter after. By the way, I want to thank you for finding one for me. I'm grateful to be able to watch the movie like everyone else."
Usher:
"Of course, we're glad to have seated you. Now - how can I help you?"
Lucy:
"I noticed that folder in your hand - it looks like a program."
Usher:
"Ah, yes. In fact, it's a transcription of the dialogue."
Lucy:
"Wonderful! You see, I feel like I'm always missing bits of the movie now because I don't know about the beginning. It seems like a lot happened that I missed."
Usher:
"Yes, indeed. It's a wonderful movie so far, don't you think?"
Lucy:
"Oh yes - and again, I'm grateful to be watching it. But if you could let me glance through the program, it would really help me understand and appreciate what I'm seeing now."
Usher:
"Certainly. Let's see, page one is the first few minutes [rips the page out], page two you also missed [rips that page out] and the same for page three [rips again]. Now, then, you arrived in the middle of page four... [pulls out felt tip marker, and blacks out half the lines of dialogue]. Here you go."
Lucy:
[bewildered] "But I wanted to see the folder precisely BECAUSE I wanted to see what happened in the beginning - that's what I want to read!"
Usher:
"Oh, I'm afraid I can't let you see that. It's confidential."
Lucy:
"Confidential? Why? Have I done something wrong? I got here on time; I waited for an available seat, and I'm here now."
Usher:
[smiling warmly] "I know it's hard, but you see, you're a special case. Just trust me, it's best that you don't see it."
Lucy:
"This is very confusing. How is it for the best? Is my misunderstanding or lack of knowledge helping someone or somebody?"
Usher:
"Well, it's just your lot in life, I guess."
Lucy:
"But you ARE here to help me, aren't you?"
Usher:
"Oh yes; certainly! But also the owner of this theater. And the movie producer. Now suppose I showed this dialogue to you unedited - raw. That would be a pretty dangerous thing to do, don't you agree?"
Lucy:
"Dangerous? I'm afraid I'm growing more confused talking with you than I ever have watching an incomplete movie!"
Usher:
"Look - if I showed you the account of the first thirteen minutes of this film, what would happen? It might very well disappoint you - you might really dislike the current movie then."
Lucy:
"At this point, I'd prefer being disappointed to being in the dark about what's happening. Besides, it's my experience, and I'm willing to take that chance."
Usher:
"Well, you _are_ brave, I can see that. But what about the movie producer? Suppose the beginning made you very angry? Suppose as a result of seeing this dialogue, you were to march right out of this theatre and write a scathing review of the movie? That could really hurt the producer. In fact, how do I know you won't set fire to the studio? Or perhaps you could attack this theatre, and never come back here. What then?"
Lucy:
"That is preposterous! I should be able to know about the beginning of this movie! How can you sit there with the information in your hand and decide everyone's best interest? How can you decide a priori what I'm capable or incapable of? Have you been told by the producers that they don't want me to see the first scenes? I really doubt that."
Usher:
"If you don't mind my saying, you seem irrevocably fixated on past events, to the extent that you just can't get on with your movie. Have you considered treatment for this? Perhaps someone can help you with your problem. I'm afraid there just nothing I can do to help you - my hands are tied [takes the program back and puts the missing pages inside]."
This story has a variety of possible endings:
[1] Lucy tries to figure out what's wrong with her, and tries to forget about the scenes she never saw. She learns that she can ease the guilt she feels by stuffing her questions down deep enough that she can't feel them anymore.[2] She continues to ask questions, and inevitably finds people who listen to her and provide what clues they can provide.
[3] The dialogue never happens, because Lucy has already learned that to ask questions about the missing scenes is to betray the other patrons, the usher, the movie theatre, the movie producers, their families, pets, gardeners, and the people who sell popcorn in the lobby.
[4] She finds other people who were seated late and learns that like her, they are also asking similar questions, and who are willing to share things they've learned about figuring out the beginning of a movie.
[5] She runs into someone who is very understanding and eager to help her, and who finds her a smudged 5th-generation copy of a program for $950.
Author(s) Unknown... Back to Adoptee Webpage